non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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