gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
