i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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