if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
