He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
