You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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