He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
