i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
