I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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