I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Panties = found
Randomize
