I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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