I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
