The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
