I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
