so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
