I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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