you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
