Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
