highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
