He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm like, not good at living.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
