Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
