I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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