I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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