you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
