Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
