I cockslap morals
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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