He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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