I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
