so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
