I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
