Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
