If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
