She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
