Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
