my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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