Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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