Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
