then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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