So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
