I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
