omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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