do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
