I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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