my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
