I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
