Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
