it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
