This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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