oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
