So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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