I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
