I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
