But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
