69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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