sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
