Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
