She's JV to your varsity
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
