I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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