Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
