She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
