She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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