Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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