I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
where are my eyebrows?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
