dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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