I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
