You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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