Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
