Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
