I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
