But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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