the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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