Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
