I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
