Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
