Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
birth control should be required to get into college
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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